Flowers

I used to love flowers
even when I did not know what that word meant
I dreamt of a big garden full of them
so that they would start blooming every spring
and bring joy right alongside that
I used to love flowers, every color and variety
I dreamt of looking down from a tower and just staring at them
the beauty of nature
I used to love the buzzing of bees
and the rustling of the leaves as the evening began
I wanted to stay outside forever, just looking at the stars, the beauty of being and everything in between
I used to love flowers and their unique scents
I wandered through our garden and hoped to find meaning in the little things
the way the grass felt below my bare feet, so soft 
and the way the trees spoke to me ever so quietly
I used to admire how the world did not care for anyone or anything

Right now I feel as though the world should end.
It has no right to move on.
I made paper flowers for my room because I can’t keep real ones alive 
and even if they can never bloom they can also never die.
I need the little things even if I cannot seem to see them right now 
and I know this feeling will end, I just don’t know how…
I hate how I don’t feel joy seeing the bees
and I really hate the sound of the leaves right now.
I hate knowing how love feels like and not being able to love the flowers.
I made some of paper so that they would never die, 
but maybe that was what made them special.
And maybe I loved the flowers because I wanted to feel special in bringing them back to life.
I used to love flowers, I think I still do
and even if I can’t see it right now, I know eventually I will find a way to see it the way I used to.

Concrete

Amidst the gray, a journey's cast,
Concrete walls, the memories last.
A soul unfolds, a tapestry spun,
In hues of stone, a battle won.
The rough embrace, a sturdy ground,
Where secrets whispered, yet unbound.
In cold, austere, a spirit's quest,
Emerging bold, amidst the rest.
Through cracks and crevices, they roam,
Embracing strength, to find their home.
Resilient heart, with colors blend,
In fortress walls, a truth ascend.
In Bavarian halls, firm and sure,
A metamorphosis, pure and pure.
The texture speaks, emotions rise,
A symphony of growth defies.
From concrete gray to vibrant bloom,
They shine through shadows, breaking gloom.
A masterpiece, a work of art,
In every crevice, love imparts.

In a realm of rolling hills so green,
A soul bloomed true, yet unseen.
Amidst cobblestones and ancient halls,
A journey embarked, within stone walls.
Whispers danced, secrets concealed,
A vibrant spirit, a truth revealed.
Through amber sunsets and snowy nights,
A tender heart sought its own lights.
A tale of courage, a quest to find,
The colors of the heart, unbind.
In Bavarian echoes, winds would blow,
A spirit soaring, letting go.
With strength to stand, against the tide,
In radiant hues, they'd come alive.
In each sunrise and twilight's glow,
A transformation, they'd come to know.
Through trials faced and friendships found,
A kindred spirit, hearts would surround.
For in the shadows, brave and bright,
A transcendent soul embraced the light.

Amidst concrete walls so strong,
A journey starts, where dreams belong.
In hues of gray, the texture cold,
A heart unfolds, a story told.
Through rigid paths, they seek their way,
In silent whispers, they convey.
A world encased, in stone and steel,
Yet tender souls, their truths reveal.
The concrete's touch, rough and firm,
A metamorphosis, they affirm.
In cracks and crevices, they find,
A strength profound, their souls aligned.
Amidst the gray, a bloom of grace,
A vibrant spirit finds its space.
In Bavarian halls, a tale unfolds,
Where concrete binds, yet hearts break molds.

late-night-thoughts

it’s late.
i guess i should go to bed.
i need to get sleep.
i think?
…
why did i need sleep again?
i can’t seem to remember.
maybe that’s why i needed sleep.
so that i could grasp reality again.
it’s so beautiful in here though.
in my mind.
thoughts of you lingering around.
it doesn’t feel like i’m awake.
…
i can feel you.
your presence is still in the air although you were never here.
i’m in my room - i think?
it feels so unfamiliar.
you feel familiar though.
and your presence.
i see the outlines of your face.
floating in midair.
you’re like a ghost.
you’re beautiful.
familiar.
you’re here.
living in my head rent-free.
…
especially at times like this.
i could call it early in the morning instead of late at night to make me feel better?
i have to get some sleep.
but i don’t want to lose you.
your face.
your form.
your presence in my heart.
…
i need to wake up tomorrow.
why?
you’re here now.
tomorrow i’m alone again.
i don’t want to be.
i should go to sleep.
but you’re the best hallucination i ever night-dreamed.
maybe i can stay awake a little longer.
just five more minutes.
please?